No, I’m not okay; I’m falling into pieces. But you know what? This is life, and not being okay is somewhat alright because you’re not alone. We’ll all help each other get back on our feet. 

I’m sicking of the fact that you can’t see how hard I’m trying. It is NOT easy putting up with something that I cannot stand. The only fucking thing you notice is when I reach breaking point and I burst. Take in the fact that I could hold myself out for THAT long before I burst. I hate that you can’t see how hard I’m trying, how much I’m struggling.

I avoid the misery in my life by telling myself that I can make myself happier. But, at the end of the day, I wonder if I’m just lying to myself, if I’m just covering up the misery instead of relieving myself of it. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

It really frustrates me when someone continually focuses on the downside of things. They always have a mindset that forces their life to be so dreary. Even when they claim to be able to see both the positive and the negative, the negative is what the always got towards. 

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

A while ago I saw the movie trailer for this story; it looked quite interesting and I decided I wanted to see it. I usually read the book before watching the movie, and today I finally borrowed the book from the library. I’m only halfway through it, but it’s turning out to be my favorite book. 

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”  

In an atmosphere where I’m surrounded by people who are special, I am the ”normal” one. Everyone manages to shine out amid the darkness, and I’m standing here blending in with the darkness—wondering if I’m capable of producing my own light and yearn for that light to come out from within me. 

For the past couple weeks, we’ve been reading Anne Frank’s diary in English, and Anne has really come alive through the words of her journal. At the start of the diary, she came off as a rather spoiled brat, but as each journal entry passes, she becomes more aware and begins to mature. She’s grown on me, and I’ve become a bit attached to her. Through the diary, I got to take a look into her mind and understand things from her point of view. I felt for what she felt, like as if she was part of me. Watching Anne’s spark dim out.. was really heart wrenching. When Anne’s father learns of her death, you’ll see the light fade from his eyes, and when his hopes shatters and he falls to the ground, your heart will slowly sink into an emotional abyss.

Maybe I’m exaggerating to you, but that’s how I felt.

Sometimes, I really wonder why I’m still holding on. What keeps me from just letting go? It’s seems like I’ve let all my chances with you past me by, yet I’m still here, hoping that another chance will come my way. It’s rather stupid of me, really.

Climbing fences is fun. It’s really not that hard.